Im safe Up high..... Right?

I am really into Pink's song Sober,  I guess at this moment in my life I comepletey understand the song... Like I feel like it was wrote for me, and It is not even a newer song... It is crazy how when different things in life happen to you different songs end up meaning a lot more to you then they did prioir.

CONFESSION for today::: I tend to push people away, all people, friends, family, crushes, guys, girls, co-workers... I have some abandonment issues, that I think occured when my parents went away when I was younger. So with these issues, I feel like I almost need to piss people off to the point there done with me, before they are just done with me on there own.. Crazy RIGHT? So yeah its like let me get them outta my way now before they decide to leave, and have me feeling some sort of way...

I say I am like a very loving person, and that I am but I do tend to try to get rid of people before they decide to get rid of me... And it is bad because I end up pushing away very important people in my life, and I have been trying to control it, and get it together. You know handle things differently , but even then I am still acting out, and once I realized I did it I have already pissed someone off.

Its hard because I am always saying there is no one there for me like I am there for everyone else... but no one is there for me because I keep pushing everyone the hell away!!!

So that is my confession for today I tend to push people away... some times i do it to see if anyone will fight to stay around, and some times i do it without really knowing I am doing it.... either way I need to cut it out... and stop pushing people out...

Everything happens for a reason so if people come and go so be it, I must of was to meet them for something, even if I do not know the reason at the moment.. Everyone comes into your life for some reason or another.. we just have to figure it out...

December is Like OVER?!?!?!

So today is December 28, 2012 and we are all still here! #soMuch4TheWorldEnding right? It is crazy how every year the world is to end, people are nuts! and Frankly I do not want to know about it! I rather it just happen.... I think, I just don't want to be horrified up until it happens. I rather be happy and calm, and then die... I do not really know... so we will be moving right along...

Soooooo I have been single! and I have really been enjoying myself! Like I do not really have to answer to no one, I have been going out, and doing things I want to do without feeling bad about it... I have been acting 22 for once in my life I can act my own age!!! Sort of, but still it has been soooo nice!!!

I however tend to put all my eggs in one basket, even being single, I have noticed I try to build up around one certain guy! Like do not get me wrong I have several guy friends, but still all my eggs seem to be in this one guys basket... and I really do not like it... Like he is Single to, and I swear it is something about him, that takes me there... Like I just do not know how to act some times when it comes to him... But I am not about drama, and bullshit so I have just been kinda I guess staying to myself more. I am trying anyways... I feel like I am too emotionally available for everyone!!! and I need to not be so open to everyone... and Make people be more open for me.

I have been struggling with things lately... like my emotions have been a bit every where... and I have just been trying to keep focus, and ensure myself that within a few months everything will be back good, and everyone will be good... Its hard to go from the being the girl that damn near had everything... so basically starting over... It honestly was in the best interest for me and my family, and I do not regret the decision that I have made... it is just very hard for me to accept it. I just some times feel like I just wanna pack a bag and run away... but what does that really solve? NOTHING, so no point in doing that lol... It is just weird, I am in a very weird place right now... and I will be glad when it is over.

So December is like over, and January will be here in like 3 freaking days!!! I cannot believe how fast this year has gone! it has gone so fast! I am really shocked about it actually.... Time is flying and yet some of us are standing still... I have big plans for 2013.. Not really goals.. Because we all do that right? Make New year resolutions, and then do not stick to them... Yeah I just have plans to be a more better person in general than I was in 2012. Like I am a good person but we all have room for growth... and it doest hurt to take in that room and prosper as a person to better yourself and your loved ones. so that is just what I am looking for doing, becoming a better me...

I really think I have some great stuff to talk about, until I start writing, and realize I am really not talking about anything... LOL but this is my BLOG and you really do not have to read it! HOWEVER thank you for reading it :)  I hope everyone had a wonder Christmas, and Has a even better NEW YEAR!!!! 2013!!! Were about to be in there!!!!

P.s  think for New Years Eve, I am going to get WHITE GIRL WASTED and write a blog, Wonder how many of my secrets will come out within that!!! haha ! be on the look out!! SOOON it is gonna go down!!!

THE COUNT DOWN!!!!

So my awesome weekend is approaching! I am so excited the COUNT DOWN HAD BEGUN! Via: Facebook, and Twitter! There is THREE MORE DAYS until MY awesome sister turns 21!!! FOUR MORE DAYS until I go to South Bend! And FIVE MORE DAYS until we are in CHICAGO!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 I am beyond excited! I need this break! These last few weeks have been nothing but crazy!!!! I need to get a Lawyer for this bogus ASS apartment complex I was living in! You would think after four years of doing business with a company they still don't give a damn about you as a person just about that money! and that is ridiculous! EVEN if all ends horribly and I do have to pay these people for a whole lease! in WHICH I AM NOT LIVING THERE! I swear, some shit is gonna pop off!

I should however just stay humble, I just don't like knowing after four years of doing business with them I am still at the end of the day only a check in the mail! Like companies now and days  have no morals once so ever! And it is honestly sad!

But I am not going to stress out about that now, I am going to talk to a few lawyers, and see what they can do for me IF ANYTHING, and take it from there! Because I refuse to go out without a fight!!!

Work has been going good! so far so good! I am keeping up with school, and still trying to take care of everything else!!!

Solange (my older sister) has come to stay with us, and she has been a great help as far as transportation, and helping me with Jade. It has been nice to have that kind of help! I actually can get some sort of sleep! Which is weird because I still do not get enough sleep! Like my body is used to not sleeping so I just wake u after like four or five hours, and then I cannot go back to sleep! THAT SUCKS!!!!

I have really just been focusing on me! I have been trying not to really go out of my way for anyone anymore, and not because I am selfish but it is now time to do me for me!

I have taken care of everyone for far to long! and I am taking the weight of the world off of my shoulders and only carrying the stuff I need to be carrying around!!!!

Like OMG my car!!! needs some work! alot of work actually! like 600 of shop work! then I need new tires that is like 400 dollars! sucks! but that is my baby! and I need her so I have to get her fixed, and make her all better!!!!

My uncle thinks I should trade her in, and get a newer car... But I love my dodge, and she isn that old... she is only a 2008  that's only almost 5 years old! my baby!!!

On top of everything I lost my cat, I made a few fliers, knocked on a few doors, and got no where! I hope he is safe, and hopefully someone took him in! he hates being cold, and we have had some cold nights so far since he has been gone!!!

Well that is all for now! I need to get me a lawyer! keep up with my count down to my weekend! and stay humble! me flipping shit isn't going to change anything! I need to be cool and stack this bread so I can knock down what I need to and save what I need to!

I am finding myself, and to me right now that is all that is important! I feel like everyone at some point gets lost on their journeys, and it is up to us to realize it, and find ourselves so that we can get back on track! and I am doing that for me!

Its Ariell's time to live!!!!

I'll Admit I am SCARED

I just ranted, and raved right?  But do y'all know why??? I am scared!!!!

I am scared, because I feel like the last four years of my life were wasted, and I have so much potential, and so much time gone! Now I have still all this potential, and it seems like not enough time!

 

I was in a relationship, that I honestly can say I gave my all, and I really feel like my all was taken advantage of! I made quick moves, that might not have been the best decision financially, but was the best decision for me and my family.

 

SO I do not regret moving and starting over, I was actually quite excited about that. But with that comes bills that still need to be paid, my car still needs to be fixed there is still a 100,000 things I need to take care of!

 

And for the first time I guess in my life I am starting alone... Like in the last four years I have lost myself some where, and I am trying to recover myself in all aspects. Emotionally, Financially, Spiritually, and Mentally. SO my mind is always spinning with a 100 thoughts processing at once. And my Judgement, and thoughts seem to becoming more cloudy! as if they were not cloudy already!

 

SO you want to know where does being SCARED come into play?????????

 

Everyday I wonder if I am really fighting for a cause for myself and will everything turn out right? Everyday I become more discouraged, and want to give up on  everything and go  hide somewhere alone....  Everyday it becomes harder, and harder for me to do the things I know I need to do!

 

So I a horrified that one day I am going to wake up and say fuck it all! that one day these fears, and anxiety of everything is going to kick my butt, and force me to believe that throwing in the towel is the best option.

 

I know I KNOW it is not even really an option! I have never ever been a quitter, and I do not plan to start now... But its just so much shit HAPPENING!!! I swear WHEN I FINISH MY BOOK, it will become a MOVIE....

 

My life is like a crazy ass movie NO LIE! and I just wonder when is the good part of the movie going to happen, Like you know when you watch crazy movies and then the end, ends on a good note?  LIKE WHERE THE FUCK IS MY GOOD NOTE?

 

LOL! I am trying to find something funny and ways to keep myself laughing, because all this is crazy, my life went from stressful, to HELL in 0 SECONDS!

 

Like I am beyond Happy that I have moved, and am starting over, I am just scared, and worried that I will fuck everything up! even if it is on accident, like I have  no no no room for mistakes right now! everything has to be counted, and accounted for! PERIOD!!!

 

SO starting over is the most scariest thing I think I have ever done so far, and I am sure that the fears of shit is only beginning so I am going to keep my faith, and focus! and not let these fears overcome me as a person!

 

Okay that was my confession for the week! I guess the moral of the story is, Life is good, bad, and sometimes scary! we just have to find it within ourselves to keep moving, and motivated to keep going, keep trying, and not giving up!

 

NO MATTER HOW HARD IT IS! we MUST FIGHT FOR OURSELVES! because honestly no one else will.

 

 

DROWNING!!! CANT BREATH!!! HELP!!!

 

I some times feel like I am drowning, Like I am under water cant breath, and everyone is walking past me! Like they can see I am drowning but they do not offer to help me at all!

 

Do not get me wrong! I am not looking for hand outs, or for anyone to actually give me anything!

I just feel like I have no one to really talk to and understand where I am coming from. Even when I do talk to people, and try to brain storm some things it still doesn't seem like enough!!!

 

 

Like I am drowning alone, and until I figure out how to swim no one can help me!!

 

 

I wish I knew a quit answer, and I do not. I do not have a quick answer to any ones questions, not even my own!

 

 

But that is the thing though! what if someone comes along, and See's me drowning, and offers there hand and I cannot take it? I do not know why I feel like this, I  do not feel depressed, but at the same time I do not feel happy! I am like stuck in between those two! I know with everything I got going on it will be a while before I see any changes, but that while seems like eternity! and I do not know some times if I can make it though all of this... 

I feel so stuck! and I honestly hate feeling this way, I am not normally the one to bitch about life or cry a river, and for the most part I haven't been, but I am feeling cornered, and I am afraid that soon I am going to come out swinging and it all be on the wrong people...

I fear that my choices are not good ones, and I am questioning my every move. I used to question my own moves prior, but it has gotten serious like SHIT IS GETTING REAL PEOPLE!

 

lol

 

So in the end I am trying to sort things on a more slower aspect, I need to budget to the fullest, stop spending money on bullshit, because sadly I tend to do that often, and really focus on everything, I have bills to pay and my car needs to be fixed! Like I cannot go without my ride! and there is something seriously wrong with her, excepts I have no clue what is really is and need to get it figured out and taken care of asap!!!!

Some times I get lost in my own concerns, and I don't know how to get outta that, but I have to keep telling myself I have to stay focused, it is the only way i am going to get everything I need done in a timely manner!!!!

I feel like I got this, but the discourageness in my heart feels like it has more power over my courage side! but I have faith, and I damn well have fight!!! so I gotta do what I gotta do!!!!

 

Thanks for listening!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ENDING NOVEMBER!!!

So today is the last day of November! Man where has this year went already?
      I have to say I have had some every good times this year, and some very bad times! So far I guess my November is ending on a weird note, but I will stay strong and hold on! I know how to swim and Ill be damned to drown for anyone!!

     I have learned this month that I have a few TRUE friends, and a few that were only my friends at their convience! I have ended a long relationship! which It ended VERY BAD! It has had me question my whole last four years, man when you think you really know some one, you have NO IDEA!

And in the end I have learned that at the end of the day all you really have is family, rather you all get along all the time or not there always going to be there, and around because they are your family.

I also lost my cat which I am so DEVASTATED! ugh I feel so icky about Garfy not being at home, but I am going to try to look  around some more for him, I had some people give me some good ideas on where I should look for him! I just hope all in all he is okay!!!!

December I have some big plans, to stay focused, and take a few trips! I deserve a good hang over right now! LETTMETELLYOU! lol I am going to start drinking water now so it will not be so bad! I will further explain my December plans possibly tomorrow, when December hits!!!

2012 is damn near over what do you have to show for it? I have made differences in my life, and struck a point where Ariell needs to be Ariell, and that is my main focus right now. Is School work, and bettering myself.

Everyday it is a struggle but there is not a big enough struggle where I am not going to over come it! No matter how hard I must work at it! I will overcome this current battle!!!

As for everyone who is feeling some sort of way about choices I have made thus far in my life!!! Y'all honestly can kick rocks! I am strong, and we are all HUMAN! and I do what I have to for my family!!! and myself! not a niggah or a bitch! I do me for me and mine! and until you judgers do the same get off me!!!!

Toddles for now but I promise not  forever!!!! stay TUNED for my DECEMBER ADVENTURESS'S!!!!

 

WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?!?!?!

 Wow, so where do I even begin??? Lets just say shit got real, and I am moving in the next couple of days! A  person whom I thought I trusted showed they couldn't be trust, and pretty much got there ass beat!

My  little sister no longer has her security, and it is time for us to go!

I do not even know what to feel or to think! I dont know where my feelings stand! when every thing happened my first thought was soley on my sister! and it still is I love her and she comes before everyone! even me! SERIOUSLY

But I stayed shell shock for so long, and I still feel like I am in shell shock! but I dont know what is happening now! I feel some sort of way and I am not sure what way that is.

Like I guess I am more confused and hurt all at the same time, I am mad at myself for trusting someone to be around my siblings! It is my duty to protect them, and I allowed someone close enough to potentially hurt my family!

Luckily nothing got to serious, and my sister is fine! she she wont have someone would have been dead seriously!

But still I guess I have put a lot of blame towards myself! So I am now working on moving, starting fresh, and taking time to get myself back in order! I wish these feelings I have would get themselfs back together and out of my way! I do not need a cloudy judgement right now!

I am tryna stay as strong as possible!!!! but it is hard! but I am doing my best for me and my family! So that is where I am now!!!

Changes: For Better Or Worst

 So I have decided to make some big changes in my life! Whch include leaving the relationship I am in, Leaving my apartmen and moving back in with my family, being more focused on me, school, and work! Which isnt so bad actually! I am pretty stoked about everything and cannot wait  for everything to fall into place!

I know I have cried woof several times before when it has come to leaving my relationship, but  M and I are in different places and we both know and understand these changes are for the best. We WOULD DEF PREFER to stay together, but I think we have both done enough damage in our relationship. We have lost our friendship, trust, and faith in one another, we have just been going through the motions of  trying to keep this relationship going without having any of that!

So it has been hard! we do however plan to stay cool, and try to rebuild our friendship, and possibly move forward. I do not know if we will really move forward with trying our relationship over! but we do plan on getting our friendship back as of now, which it can change later who knows.

We have been together for 4years so we have got a lot of stuff to seperate but for the most part I said he can have it all. I really want to start fresh NEW EVERYTHING! so that is my plan with that and how I plan to move forward.

I really plan on getting myself back together faith,health spiritually the whole  9 yards! I want to be a better person all the way around, so I plan to be just that! I want to focus more into budgeting, and saving because I have effortlessly failed a zillion times in that area. And I want school to be a success I am ready to earn my degree, and start my career! I was hoping by this time next year I would be on the verge of buying a house, but I need to work on me for a while, and I realize that now. I need to get Ariell back in order before I commit to anything else!

 

So Those are my plans for now, I do not quite know for sure when I am moving with my Uncle I am assuming it will be late August, early July! Because I want to wait until Jade graduates High School, I do not want to have to transfer her schools, as to my Uncle lives in a different city! and I just dont want to have to drive her back and fourth everyday either. So right now, I feel focused, and pleased with my desicion! and I am glad that M and I have came to a mutual desicion. I love him! I will always LOVE HIM! but we are different we have always been different, and Now our differences are bumping heads. I honestly feel like it is the damage we have both caused in our relationship. Because we used to have a very strong relationship, we were each others rock! and we have let each other slip through the cracks... ANYHOO I am ALSO STILL TRYING to write my TWO BOOKS! and I want that to stay a focus as well! I have been in contact with a few publishing companies! and things have been going well on that note! I just have to keep writing, and get them finished!!!

 

Well thanks like always for reading! and I am sure to keep my blog updated! it is my sense of release it seems like! I love to share and it is like my diary I guess! Have a wonderful DAY EVERYONE!!!!

 

I hope everyone went out and voted!!!!!

 

I PROMISED

I promised I would write everyday! or at least try to BLOG everyday! But I get so busy, it is hard! plus I do not want to blog about meaningless stuff, and besides my poems everything has been pretty much about nothing...

First things FIRST I hope everyone is going out to VOTE OBAMA 2012!!!!

that is important!

Secondly I have just been working like crazy! I got all this senior stuff to pay for, for my sister, I have school myself, and I have to winterize Jade and I new coats shoes etc! so Yeah between work, sleep, and school! I have been quite busy!

I have also been trying to get another job, my work from home job is not strict enough for me, I think I can do whatever I want, and that is not the case... I guess I am not strong willed enough to work from home, and actually work!

For the most part I get over 40hrs everyweek from my work from home job, but I am scheduled 60, so over 40 is not enough time and effort I am putting in this job! and they do not need someone who is gonna half ass them!

But I also work over 40hrs at my third shift job to! So I mean I am not tryna get over, I am just tired, and then a full time student at that...

SO I have been working on getting my old job at Walgreens back! I miss it there, and that can be my second day job, and maybe only work my work from home here and there, when I want to or whatever!

WHo knows I might have three jobs here pretty soon if my manager will take me back because I went about leaving that job 100% wrong! so I dont know only time will tell!

But that is all I have for now! later EVERYONE

Enjoy your Saturday!

Monday ! 10/22/2012

For the first time in my life, I do not have the answers, I do not have a back up plan. And I am just going to try and make it through this with my best foot forward.

 

It is scary I always have a back up plan or can come up with one. But I have been thinking, and thinking, and I have nothing...

 

For the FIRST time in my life I am going to get through some things on a day by day senerio, and I do not know how I really feel about it... Not good I know that! but I am sure that I can handle everything! I have been doing everything anyways! so what is it with doing it without a plan?

 

On another note, Sorry I am just unfocused, this not having a plan thing is really bothering me. I always ALWAYS have plans, and like three back-up plans to go with them, and right now my mind is every where searching, and its hard for me to keep my train of thought!

 

 

OKAY besides that, I have enrolled back into school, and it is going great! it could be better but my schedule is so crazy! Like I should be a millionare all the time I spend at work, and not to myself or anything else.

 

 

So I have came to a conclusion that I need better time management! and I am currently working on that.

 

 

I need to just sit be calm, and breath! Something will show me what my next route is! and I will wait for a moment, but not forever!

 

Have A great week everyone!

Sunday

Happy Sunday!!!!

I'm chilling alone on this decent day! I worked a few hours this morning, then I took my sister to work! I wrote the poem below, which I am going to get into in a moment. So yeah my Sunday has been about doing errands...

Now as for the poem I wrote, it is kinda deep I think. If you knew the situation it would make the world of sense. But yeah I cannot keep putting myself out there on the line.

 

Its weird last year around this time, I was so worried about losing him due to my infidelities and this year this time I couldn't be more happier to say I am done! I am free and I will get all my ish back to where it needs to be!

 

So those are my goals and I am sticking to them! That is all for now! But of course I will keep my blogger up to date on what is going on and with poems or writings!

I Needed YOU!!!

When I first met you,

you seemed to be the only one that cared!

the only one that was THERE

For me you see,

 I have always been everyones rock!

everyones go to person, i just solved everyones problems.

But had no one there to help me solve my own.

Then I met you,

and you were like shiny and gold!

You gave me a reason for being, and something to hold!

You helped me get through some of my tougher years, and stood by my side throughout all of my doubts and fears.

As time went on you became distant and cold,

No longer did I have you to hold.

I learned as time progressed that I was not your interest

you only cared about your self, your feelings, your rest

I didnt understand how this happened, how did you turn

from this loving caring guy to some mean big germ.

I found myself not wanting to be with you

not wanting to be around you

I then was no longer happy that I even found you.

You promised you would change and things would be different

you swore you loved me and you'd change your custom living

But you didnt

you stayed distant and cold.

I tried and I tried again to make you my something to hold

but nothing worked and shit got old.

Your never there for me and I dont know why

I am sooo sick and tired of all this time I cry

I dont even want to try,

Anymore with you!

4 years of my life I have been through

holding on and missing you

you were here, but I didnt have you

you are never here when I needed you the most

your just some fucking ghost

They say if you love something let it go

I love you and this is how you will know!

I am letting you go!

free to be you! free to live your custom living too!

See I need you now more than ever but you need you too

so for that this way is better!

you might never understand my reasons to part,

you might never understand really this is all your fault

But in the end you will see that you did actually do something for me,

You helped me learn and grow and become this women

I thought Id never know

For you I am stronger, smarter and wise!

and honestly I'ma feel bad for other guys!

you helped me read through bullshit, lies and deciet,

Now I know I will never not stand on my own two feet!

Because when I needed you, you were not there,

So I learned to deal with my own doubts and fears!

I dont need anyone anymore not even you!

So you can go on about your life, and keep doing you!

Friday! 10/19/2012

Hey everyone! So i have been randomly writing poems, and posting them!

I am good I think, but I am working to be great!

I want everything I write to be really good! I want people to not be able to get enough of the things I write, rather there books, or poems etc!

 

But like I said I am trying to make sure I write on here something everyday! to get myselfback motived and back together... I am going to kinda use this as an online diary! because I have so much stuff I need to take care of, and I feel like the more I write or talk about it the more I will get done or do things about it!

 

So that is my plan!!! it is FRIDAY everyone hope everyone has something fun or relaxing planned for there weekend.

 

I think I might go see Taken 2, but I need to do some cleaning, so I might just stay here at home, and clean, relax and get ready for my all day shift tomorrow!

 

I was supposed to work this morning but I fell asleep and Maurice didnt wake me up! Which it is not his responsibility to make sure I get up but dang!

 

My phone wasnt working anyways but I was willing to try anything I didnt want to miss anymore hours! I have to make better effort with this other job!

 

anyhoo I am in a meeting now, so I need to go but who knows I might write more and post it here later!

 

Havea  great weekend!!

First love

 

 

I couldn't deny you if I wanted to!

All I can do is smile, when I think about you!

We are so close, even though were so far apart!

I always keep room for you in my heart!

you have been with me through everything!

Sometimes I think our relationship is some wierd dream!

I cant believe its been so long,

17years of knowing each other, 10 years of being reunited

so much growing, laughing, and fighting

Were older now, and we had started back then.

But every time I talk to you it still feels like a Big win!

your my bestfriend!

you mean a lot to me!

The love I have for you should never leave you feeling empty!

Everyone gets filled with envy!

But we show no empthy, for those who dont understand.

But listen no matter what you'll always be my number one man!

I always thought one day you'd be the one to take my hand!

Your a father now, meaning someones dad!

Im not mad!

I was sad at first, but truely I am glad

that regaurdless the situation

you I once had!

Always there for you I will be!

no matter who what when!

you will see

that honestly your heart still belongs to me!

 

 

Love

 

I love you?

Do we hear that alot or not enough?

and is it Love or is it just Lust?

why do you love me I wonder?

is it because my heart has such thunder?

that it draws you in and you can not resist for all my love has to be a gift!

but if it is a gift in which who is it for?

is my soulmate a knocking at my door?

and when he comes how will I know?

or will my Love just start to grow?

I just want to know.

Who is to say we havent already let our soulmate go?

And if we did will we ever know?

that we had our chance with the one meant for us?

and now we wont get another glance?

Because I am sure I have found my right man...

Im not so sure he knows...

Im not real positive if i should pursue this situation or let it go?

For I am scared of rejection, and my heart cant take any more neglection.

My affection is to strong, and passionate,

 and I just want to share my love with some one that can match it.

 



October 2012

Wow, It has been so LONG since I blogged! So much has changed since my last blog! So here are some of my updates!

My boyfriend, and I broke up and he moved out. It was the worst situation I thought I ever had to go through! I cried everyday! it was bad!

I let my older sister move in long enough to destory my relationship with my bestfriend, and my boyfriend. Once those two people were done with me, my "sister" moved out.

I started to sink! I talked, beg and plea'd for my boyfriend to come home, he was gone for like 3 months almost! So we agreed to both go in 100% on our relationship and start over!

YES he came home... Since then I have gained custody of my younger sister, whom just turned 18 in September, but she is a Senior in High School! Having her has been a constant struggle. Like It is hard to differ from parenting,and just being a sister. Which makes are relationship harder to deal with as well... But for the most part her being her has been great!

My brother who is 19 and was living with me moved out this month! he got his own place, and I am so very proud of him! and was ready for him to move out! I know were all so close in age but I feel so much older than them. The stuff they like to do I do not really care for and vis versa!

I have stopped going to school, and restarted going back to school! things have been so crazy around here!

My diet plan failed, only because I was going strong to the gym, and I had some financial difficulties so I had to let my gym membership go, and that got me right back in my lazy mode.!

SO right now I am working two full time jobs, and I am full time student! and it is soo hard, but in the long run I will come out good!

and I guess that is about it for now, i want to post at least weekly on different subjects, topics etc... So I am going to make that a goal, and start on it!

Thanks for reading everyone!