ENDING NOVEMBER!!!

So today is the last day of November! Man where has this year went already?
      I have to say I have had some every good times this year, and some very bad times! So far I guess my November is ending on a weird note, but I will stay strong and hold on! I know how to swim and Ill be damned to drown for anyone!!

     I have learned this month that I have a few TRUE friends, and a few that were only my friends at their convience! I have ended a long relationship! which It ended VERY BAD! It has had me question my whole last four years, man when you think you really know some one, you have NO IDEA!

And in the end I have learned that at the end of the day all you really have is family, rather you all get along all the time or not there always going to be there, and around because they are your family.

I also lost my cat which I am so DEVASTATED! ugh I feel so icky about Garfy not being at home, but I am going to try to look  around some more for him, I had some people give me some good ideas on where I should look for him! I just hope all in all he is okay!!!!

December I have some big plans, to stay focused, and take a few trips! I deserve a good hang over right now! LETTMETELLYOU! lol I am going to start drinking water now so it will not be so bad! I will further explain my December plans possibly tomorrow, when December hits!!!

2012 is damn near over what do you have to show for it? I have made differences in my life, and struck a point where Ariell needs to be Ariell, and that is my main focus right now. Is School work, and bettering myself.

Everyday it is a struggle but there is not a big enough struggle where I am not going to over come it! No matter how hard I must work at it! I will overcome this current battle!!!

As for everyone who is feeling some sort of way about choices I have made thus far in my life!!! Y'all honestly can kick rocks! I am strong, and we are all HUMAN! and I do what I have to for my family!!! and myself! not a niggah or a bitch! I do me for me and mine! and until you judgers do the same get off me!!!!

Toddles for now but I promise not  forever!!!! stay TUNED for my DECEMBER ADVENTURESS'S!!!!

 

WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?!?!?!

 Wow, so where do I even begin??? Lets just say shit got real, and I am moving in the next couple of days! A  person whom I thought I trusted showed they couldn't be trust, and pretty much got there ass beat!

My  little sister no longer has her security, and it is time for us to go!

I do not even know what to feel or to think! I dont know where my feelings stand! when every thing happened my first thought was soley on my sister! and it still is I love her and she comes before everyone! even me! SERIOUSLY

But I stayed shell shock for so long, and I still feel like I am in shell shock! but I dont know what is happening now! I feel some sort of way and I am not sure what way that is.

Like I guess I am more confused and hurt all at the same time, I am mad at myself for trusting someone to be around my siblings! It is my duty to protect them, and I allowed someone close enough to potentially hurt my family!

Luckily nothing got to serious, and my sister is fine! she she wont have someone would have been dead seriously!

But still I guess I have put a lot of blame towards myself! So I am now working on moving, starting fresh, and taking time to get myself back in order! I wish these feelings I have would get themselfs back together and out of my way! I do not need a cloudy judgement right now!

I am tryna stay as strong as possible!!!! but it is hard! but I am doing my best for me and my family! So that is where I am now!!!

Changes: For Better Or Worst

 So I have decided to make some big changes in my life! Whch include leaving the relationship I am in, Leaving my apartmen and moving back in with my family, being more focused on me, school, and work! Which isnt so bad actually! I am pretty stoked about everything and cannot wait  for everything to fall into place!

I know I have cried woof several times before when it has come to leaving my relationship, but  M and I are in different places and we both know and understand these changes are for the best. We WOULD DEF PREFER to stay together, but I think we have both done enough damage in our relationship. We have lost our friendship, trust, and faith in one another, we have just been going through the motions of  trying to keep this relationship going without having any of that!

So it has been hard! we do however plan to stay cool, and try to rebuild our friendship, and possibly move forward. I do not know if we will really move forward with trying our relationship over! but we do plan on getting our friendship back as of now, which it can change later who knows.

We have been together for 4years so we have got a lot of stuff to seperate but for the most part I said he can have it all. I really want to start fresh NEW EVERYTHING! so that is my plan with that and how I plan to move forward.

I really plan on getting myself back together faith,health spiritually the whole  9 yards! I want to be a better person all the way around, so I plan to be just that! I want to focus more into budgeting, and saving because I have effortlessly failed a zillion times in that area. And I want school to be a success I am ready to earn my degree, and start my career! I was hoping by this time next year I would be on the verge of buying a house, but I need to work on me for a while, and I realize that now. I need to get Ariell back in order before I commit to anything else!

 

So Those are my plans for now, I do not quite know for sure when I am moving with my Uncle I am assuming it will be late August, early July! Because I want to wait until Jade graduates High School, I do not want to have to transfer her schools, as to my Uncle lives in a different city! and I just dont want to have to drive her back and fourth everyday either. So right now, I feel focused, and pleased with my desicion! and I am glad that M and I have came to a mutual desicion. I love him! I will always LOVE HIM! but we are different we have always been different, and Now our differences are bumping heads. I honestly feel like it is the damage we have both caused in our relationship. Because we used to have a very strong relationship, we were each others rock! and we have let each other slip through the cracks... ANYHOO I am ALSO STILL TRYING to write my TWO BOOKS! and I want that to stay a focus as well! I have been in contact with a few publishing companies! and things have been going well on that note! I just have to keep writing, and get them finished!!!

 

Well thanks like always for reading! and I am sure to keep my blog updated! it is my sense of release it seems like! I love to share and it is like my diary I guess! Have a wonderful DAY EVERYONE!!!!

 

I hope everyone went out and voted!!!!!