I'll Admit I am SCARED

I just ranted, and raved right?  But do y'all know why??? I am scared!!!!

I am scared, because I feel like the last four years of my life were wasted, and I have so much potential, and so much time gone! Now I have still all this potential, and it seems like not enough time!

 

I was in a relationship, that I honestly can say I gave my all, and I really feel like my all was taken advantage of! I made quick moves, that might not have been the best decision financially, but was the best decision for me and my family.

 

SO I do not regret moving and starting over, I was actually quite excited about that. But with that comes bills that still need to be paid, my car still needs to be fixed there is still a 100,000 things I need to take care of!

 

And for the first time I guess in my life I am starting alone... Like in the last four years I have lost myself some where, and I am trying to recover myself in all aspects. Emotionally, Financially, Spiritually, and Mentally. SO my mind is always spinning with a 100 thoughts processing at once. And my Judgement, and thoughts seem to becoming more cloudy! as if they were not cloudy already!

 

SO you want to know where does being SCARED come into play?????????

 

Everyday I wonder if I am really fighting for a cause for myself and will everything turn out right? Everyday I become more discouraged, and want to give up on  everything and go  hide somewhere alone....  Everyday it becomes harder, and harder for me to do the things I know I need to do!

 

So I a horrified that one day I am going to wake up and say fuck it all! that one day these fears, and anxiety of everything is going to kick my butt, and force me to believe that throwing in the towel is the best option.

 

I know I KNOW it is not even really an option! I have never ever been a quitter, and I do not plan to start now... But its just so much shit HAPPENING!!! I swear WHEN I FINISH MY BOOK, it will become a MOVIE....

 

My life is like a crazy ass movie NO LIE! and I just wonder when is the good part of the movie going to happen, Like you know when you watch crazy movies and then the end, ends on a good note?  LIKE WHERE THE FUCK IS MY GOOD NOTE?

 

LOL! I am trying to find something funny and ways to keep myself laughing, because all this is crazy, my life went from stressful, to HELL in 0 SECONDS!

 

Like I am beyond Happy that I have moved, and am starting over, I am just scared, and worried that I will fuck everything up! even if it is on accident, like I have  no no no room for mistakes right now! everything has to be counted, and accounted for! PERIOD!!!

 

SO starting over is the most scariest thing I think I have ever done so far, and I am sure that the fears of shit is only beginning so I am going to keep my faith, and focus! and not let these fears overcome me as a person!

 

Okay that was my confession for the week! I guess the moral of the story is, Life is good, bad, and sometimes scary! we just have to find it within ourselves to keep moving, and motivated to keep going, keep trying, and not giving up!

 

NO MATTER HOW HARD IT IS! we MUST FIGHT FOR OURSELVES! because honestly no one else will.