DROWNING!!! CANT BREATH!!! HELP!!!

 

I some times feel like I am drowning, Like I am under water cant breath, and everyone is walking past me! Like they can see I am drowning but they do not offer to help me at all!

 

Do not get me wrong! I am not looking for hand outs, or for anyone to actually give me anything!

I just feel like I have no one to really talk to and understand where I am coming from. Even when I do talk to people, and try to brain storm some things it still doesn't seem like enough!!!

 

 

Like I am drowning alone, and until I figure out how to swim no one can help me!!

 

 

I wish I knew a quit answer, and I do not. I do not have a quick answer to any ones questions, not even my own!

 

 

But that is the thing though! what if someone comes along, and See's me drowning, and offers there hand and I cannot take it? I do not know why I feel like this, I  do not feel depressed, but at the same time I do not feel happy! I am like stuck in between those two! I know with everything I got going on it will be a while before I see any changes, but that while seems like eternity! and I do not know some times if I can make it though all of this... 

I feel so stuck! and I honestly hate feeling this way, I am not normally the one to bitch about life or cry a river, and for the most part I haven't been, but I am feeling cornered, and I am afraid that soon I am going to come out swinging and it all be on the wrong people...

I fear that my choices are not good ones, and I am questioning my every move. I used to question my own moves prior, but it has gotten serious like SHIT IS GETTING REAL PEOPLE!

 

lol

 

So in the end I am trying to sort things on a more slower aspect, I need to budget to the fullest, stop spending money on bullshit, because sadly I tend to do that often, and really focus on everything, I have bills to pay and my car needs to be fixed! Like I cannot go without my ride! and there is something seriously wrong with her, excepts I have no clue what is really is and need to get it figured out and taken care of asap!!!!

Some times I get lost in my own concerns, and I don't know how to get outta that, but I have to keep telling myself I have to stay focused, it is the only way i am going to get everything I need done in a timely manner!!!!

I feel like I got this, but the discourageness in my heart feels like it has more power over my courage side! but I have faith, and I damn well have fight!!! so I gotta do what I gotta do!!!!

 

Thanks for listening!