I am Who I am... PERIOD

So, I think I am coming out of this feeling....

    I know you might be thinking what feeling? Looking puzzled huh? Well I have been kind of feeling down... because I am starting 100% over in life... With MY LIFE... Like I am single out of a over four year relationship... and Basically since I have been living on my own, I was with my EX... So I never really lived on my own for real... So I accomplished a lot of things, WE ACCOMPLISHED a lot of things together...

BUT NOW I am starting over 100% and I am going to be accomplishing a lot of things on my own... I did not look at it like that at first.. I was just so caught up in everything I lost, and how I built it all that my ego was hurt! I felt like my ego took a big hit!!!

     Now I have realized that at some point in every one's life we have to stop and ask for help. No matter how independent we are we have all received some sort of help along the way rather it was BIG OR SMALL we have received some help...  I was at a point where I felt as if since I did need some help I have failed as a person, as a role model as a being....

BUT THAT IS NOT THE CASE!!!! I did not fail as a person... I did fall! but I am getting right back up!!! 

I even thought that I should be right up and running within a few months... But there is a lot of things I need to take care of and I do not want to rush into anything! I want to take my time, and do everything the right way... SO this year I have been focused on what I need to do to make Ariell's Life better, and back on point.... I have been staying focused, and trying to do everything I need to do to get back right! and I will...

I do have goals and dead lines on when I want certain things done, and over by, and SOOOOO far everything has been going to plan!!!!

         On another note my baby Jade is a SENIOR this year!!! *tear* I am sooo proud of her! and I have been slacking in planning her open house, and preparing the things I need to, to make sure everything with graduation goes accordingly... SO I am kicking myself in the butt and I am getting it together!!! Today I will pick out the pictures for her Graduation Invitations, and her Open House Invitations!!! I could have order the invites from the school with her Senior stuff but they were so Formal and BLAN... I want her invites to be LOUD AND BRIGHT!!! because her personality is LOUD and BRIGHT... so that is what I am aiming for... I need to check into a few venues for her Open House as well! And I need to figure out where we are going to dinner after graduation! I am so excited, and proud of her I cannot wait for her to graduate!!!! Then off to COLLEGE... Well I am not quite sure if she is leaving right away or going to go locally for a while.. EITHER way she is DEF starting college right away!!!! 

VALENTINES DAY is coming!!!! It is my Uncle, and my Aunts Birthday as well! I am not to big on Valentine's day this year.... Normally every year I want to go all out and do something sweet and romantic.. but this year I'm not! I am going to have  a date with my LOVELY JADE!!! (my little sister) and I work that night... SO that sounds like a good day to me!!!!!

AUGUST 24th, 2013 !!!! Is my 23rd birthday! and this year I really wanna go big!! SO I have been checking into Venues to have a VIP spot at a club in Indiana, because my BEST FRIEND, and God Sister are there and they are whom I want to party with so I think it would be more fun to just go there... and it gets me out of town for the weekend!!! I also have been checking in to some Reality Stars hosting my party!!! As everyone knows I LOVE the BAD GIRLS CLUB!!! ;) so I am looking into a FEW BADDDD Girls to come and host my party... Have been talking back and forth to their booking agents... But nothing is set in stone with them because August is still so far away, and they can be doing anything come that time!!! but I am DEF working HARD to make it all happen for me this year!!! 

      So with all that being said this year is going to be a good year! I am sure of it!!! With the party thing, I will not pay or go all out on a party if other things are not taken care of so the party is like a motivational present to myself.... Like "Hey you worked hard, and handled business, Now party like a rock star!" We all need a little push, and we all deserve to treat ourselves every now and again.. there is nothing wrong with that!!!!!

Oh and I discovered, that I am loud, rude, and very judgmental, I mean I have known these poor qualities for  a while now... But I am also very big hearted, and I some times care more than I should... Either WAY I am me! and I am very proud of my STRUGGLE!!!!! because I am strong enough to get through anything, and I know this! I know I can!!!!


I LOVE ME!!!!


Thanks for reading :)

Thinking...

I feel like I have so much on my mind! So much to say, but then when I turn to write it is like my mind goes blank! Why can't I just write what I am feeling? What is holding me back?

I feel like I am stuck! 

I am not quite sure on what either! 

It is like the harder I try the more crap that falls into my lap! and I know I know things normally do get worst before they get better... BUT FUCK! lol I am not quite sure how many more step backs I can handle right now...

Its a whole new world... a whole new experience I am going through... and there is good and bad times... But luckily I have some very good friends in my corner rooting for me... that helps a lot and I am so great full for them. 

Valentines Day is coming up! This will be the first Valentines day IN YEARSSSSS that I will not be in a relationship, or in a relationship LIKE situation. 

At first I did not know how I felt about that... Like I was thinking man this is going to suck! the day that is supposed to be all about LOVE I have no one that LOVES me to spend the day with...

I have gotten several offers for the whole Valentines day thing... and I mean it made me feel good to know there are some people whom would want to spend that day with me... 

But... what is that day if it is not spent with WHO YOU REALLY WANT TO SPEND IT WITH? I do not want to spend my holidays with just anyone! if there is going to be a someone, I want it to be someone I generally care about... and if it can not be spent with that person then I rather just spend it alone...

I LOVE ME... so If anything I will buy MYSELF a teddy! and cuddle up in MY BED and watch romantic movies with MYSELF! because I love me enough to spend time with myself! and I am good with that...

OF COURSE no one wants to spend Valentines day alone, no matter how much you love yourself, your "supposed" to be with someone! As society has placed it in our heads anyways....

Being single has it's ups and it's downs, because I love the fact that I can do anything I want to do whenever I want to do it... But then you get this to these points sometimes where you want to generally talk to someone who cares about you that is the opposite sex... Like I guess I miss all my guy best friends, that I slowly but surely gave up when I got in to my last relationship.. Which was stupid on my part because we were just friends... But at the time my "man" was the only best friend I thought I needed...

SO yeah I def will get used to it just being me... it might take me a little bit but I am slowly but surely adjusting to being single...

Im struggling on my new journey but I'll admit it... its a STRUGGLE a NEW KIND of STRUGGLE... and in the end it is all going to be worth it... I know it will. And although things might suck and be rough now! I will appreciate everything I put together much more once it is all taken care of!

Well this Blog is not as interesting, and might be kind of boring... but I just felt like I needed to write something... so I did.... 

Thanks for reading!

Letting go & finding ME! Seriously!

So today I received a big dose of reality!

And honesty it made me want to cry a little!

I have been a little emotional these last two days I HAVE NO IDEA WHY!

But I was talking to my BEST FRIEND :) . 

And she helped me realize that I am paying much to much attention to people whom will never really be there for me like how I am wanting them to be! That I am making people important whom do not deserve to be important!!

She helped me realize some of these feelings I think I am having might not be as real as they seem to be to me!

She told me I need to basically cut some people off and regroup because I am giving others the upper hand in my life! and I never thought about none of this stuff in this manner but the more her and I talked the more I realized she was right!

It made me sad no lie! It is like I am trying to attach myself to someone, to feel the comfort, and friendship, and closeness I had in my prior relationship. 

I do not think I gave myself "enough time" to really move on... I just jumped back in the game thought I was ready to play, and I guess I am really not. 

Which it does and does not suck. Like I do not want a relationship, I am enjoying being single! BUT my actions towards certain situations puts me off to seem like I want a whole commitment from someone... and I do not want that! NOT NOW...

I have been in a relationship for soo long, so being single I guess takes some adjusting that I never really thought it would. But it does. 

And honestly until I get back right I do not really need to focus on anything or anyone else. I know this! 

I really do cherish all my friendships, and I enjoy the people in my life! but it comes down to the fact that....

I AM NOT ABOUT TO KEEP INVESTING SO MUCH TIME INTO PEOPLE WHOM DON'T INVEST THEIR TIME INTO ME!

I know everyone has there own things going on and no one can drop the ball for me at any given time... BUT IN THAT SAME VOICE If these PEOPLE REALLY CARED ABOUT ME, THEY WOULD TAKE THE EXTRA STEP TO SHOW ME...

Period. I am going through a lot my emotions have been everywhere I do not think I know what is real and what is not real right now. 

Which is sad.... My life has changed soo much in such a short time frame, and everyday I hold back tears and realize it gets harder, and harder the next day to do the same. 

But My Best friend, told me I would be okay.... Some how I feel like I will not be okay! I know time heals everything... But to me time is suck, or has me stuck in these emotions. 

It is not even that I am stuck in my old relationship either. Those emotions from that situation, have come and gone. I was upset, I faced reality and I am good.

I think the fact that I have come so far, and now I am starting over... for real for real has me emotionally every where because I am so afraid of not getting back where I want to be. Or just of failure in general! 

She also went on to tell me Mr. Right is real.... I was like really? So you read my blog? LOL 

Basically I need to let go of the rift raft, and some of my "pretend emotions" and get fucking serious over here! 

Not letting go of friendships I want to keep those, but these feelings I think I might have or emotions I think I might have within a lot of different situations, I am going to move on from... With my best foot fourth. It might not be easy, and it might be super hard! but I think I am strong enough to pull it together! SERIOUSLY! I have been fucking around for long enough!

Putting GAME FACE ON! & I think I am seriously ready now...

I just need to focus on me! SERIOUSLY!!! on my SCHOOL! my WORK!! my LIFE! and it doesn't mean that I do not have room for others, it just means I need to only have room for those whom have room for me in their life's!!

SO if you do not have room for Ariell Guyton-Smith, I am so sorry but she doesn't have room for you either! If I matter you will make room and make the right shit happen! if I don't then you won't...

But at the end of the day! I will see what is and is not real! and I am not going anywhere blind sided anymore! I am good with the stupidity.

THANKS! everyone for listening to me blab! haha! 

Looking for Mr. OR Mrs Right???

I have heard people almost all my life saying "I'm Looking for Mr. Right Or Mrs Right!" 

Really? God is going to send you this right person? and you waiting on that? 

Yeah I believe God will send you people... but I do not think he is focused on finding you the right person! as if he does not have bigger Fish to fry! 

I believe everyone you cross paths with there is a reason behind it. I believe that everyone you meet or has come and gone within your life all has meaning and reasons to it. Even with horrible situations, I am sure we have all learned things from bad situations! SUCKS we had to go through some tough things in life just to learn a lesson! but we have to go through what we have to go through to be whom we were meant to be!

Back on topic! StOP fucking saying your waiting on Mr. or Mrs Right! when your out here fucking any and everyone!!! If Mr. OR Mrs. Right does come along why would they want to be with some one whom has a rep of being degrading, or cheating, or lying? Mr. Or Mrs Right will not want to be with someone like that! So if your seriously out here waiting on the OH SO PREFECT person, then fucking act like it! It is really not that hard! 

You waiting for Mrs. Right, but you in the club got girls fighting over you and shit? Yeah Mrs. Right walked RIGHT past your ass! Women do not like drama! not in that matter anyways. ( Because LowKey I think all women like drama to an extent :) ) 

And women you looking for Mr. Right but you out here acting a whole ass every where you go? Mr. Right ran the hell away!!!! 

And for everyone who is looking for Mr. And Mrs Right How do you all know you haven't already met them, as in you met them and messed it up? or they are currently sitting right in your face and your too blind to notice it?

How do yall know??? I really need to know? I need to know How do you KNOW that it is Mr. or Mrs. RIght? WHAT ABOUT THAT PERSON is going to be different from the last person you were in love or lust with???

PLEASE ELABORATE!!!! 

I am not looking for anyone! I currently need to find my DAMN SELF and get myself together!!!

I seriously do... I do not use the terms Mr. or Mrs. Right because that is just stupid! some times you fall in love with people you would never in a millon years see your self dating, or someone you have known all your life!!!

LOVE has NO FACE! i think people forget that!!! its the heart!!! IF YOUR OUT HERE LUSTING, and calling it love your stupid! 

PERIOD! 

I feel like if a lot more people focused on THEMSELVES and finding themselves first! then all your relationships no matter who it is with will be a lot better. You must KNOW and LOVE yourself before you can go looking, and trying to love someone else!!!

Seriously America Lets get it together!!!!  

Women Can Play Too?!

I have been thinking about this for a while now.... A lot more now that I have been single... I am always so worried about how men view me... Like I never want a man to EVER consider  me out to be some sort or whore, slut, hoe, whatever! because at the end of the day! I am not, and I know I am not... 

But It still bothers me that to this day when men can do stuff and be considered BOSS'S but if a women does it she is a whore! 

Example:: If a guy sleeps with a chick, and her sister, cousin etc, he is a player! He got so much game blah blah blah BULLSHIT!!! 

BUT if a female does that same shit, she is a homie hopping whore!!!!

And why is is okay for a guy to have sex with a girl, and put on his clothes, and leave after sex... But if a girl does it she is basically a hoe too! 

WHAT THE FUCK so women cant wanna leave after sex? If your on a just sex bases, why confuse the matter with cuddling? Or staying afterwards>? I do not understand this once so ever!!!

And I am sick of it! Women have hormones just as well as men do! and it is a fact that WOMEN NORMALLY HAVE WAY MORE SEX PARTNERS THEN MEN DO IN A LIFE TIME!!! Wanna know why? Because women DO NOT ADVERTISE there business.... And EVEN IF WE DID we are considered WHORES ANYWAYS!!!

I just feel like men want to call us out of our names, but be the same ones begging to fuck us! For us to do them sexual favors etc... And even when we do turn them down... WERE STILL WHORES!!!!

MEN get your shit together, if ya'll were actually PLEASING women the correct way, maybe we would not have to go through so many sexual partners to get PLEASED!!!! 

I am just speaking in GENERAL!!! like seriously We as women should all go BUY TOYS and go the FUCK ON STRICT!!! if ya dude isnt putting it down right! STOP GIVING IT TO HIM!!! why are we as women always being MEN PLEASERS??? Its 2013 and Ill be damned if I keep tryna please folks whom are not pleasing me!! and that is in general!!! 

So to all the MEN who think were WHORE because we like to be SEXUALLY Satisfied THE PICTURE BELOW IS FOR YOU!!!!! 

2013 I am on one!!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!! *Late Sorry!

Sooo it is the 6th of January, and I know I am late posting my blogs!!! I should have posted one on the first! I was going to be drunk and write on New Years Eve!!! But I ended up going to South Bend and going out with my Best Friend Tia, and my sister Julisa! We had the best time ever!!! I was so drunk! It was really good! 

I am glad for 2013!!! we are HERE a new year! New goals! NEW THINGS TO DO!!!!! My baby princess sister will graduate from high school this year! and I cannot wait! I am so excited for her to start college, and go on to bigger, and better things. 

I have slight goals, I am not trying to overwhelm myself with anything this year or make any New Year Resolutions, because I never stick to those. I just have a list of things that I know I need to get done, and I know the time frame of the things I need to get done... SO for now I am just being humble, and getting through what I need to get through to move on to better things!!!

Now for the details on the SINGLE LIFE!!! haha it has been going good. I have noticed however that I seem to be into men whom are emotionally unavailable, Like even if a guy approaches me it is like they know that I am into that type of men! Which sucks for me because that is sad... WHY would I be so into guys whom are emotionally unavailable? And Honesty I do not want a relationship right now, I am not looking for one either. BUT let me find a dude who is emotionally unavailable and I'm all down there neck like i want to jump into a relationship!!! It is soooo crazy! because I do not want that at all!!!

But I have noticed I am in like with a few situations, and I really need to focus on me and what I have going on... I feel like I have been to caught up in this single atmosphere, and it is cool, and it is fun.... BUT I have bigger fish to fry then worried about this boy and that boy.... And that is TRUTH!!! so I am gonna let it be known now... and this goes for everyone!!! If y'all don't hear from me as often as your used to it is because I am re focusing on what is important!!! Like SCHOOL and WORK and FAMILY... that is what matters to me at this moment, and until I an finally back where I need to be in life I do not need to be focusing on anything else. 

I am literally starting over! With everything!!! and it is going to be rough, and I will probably get stressed! but I need the fresh start! I deserve that much for me and mine! So bring on the challenge LIFE! I am ready!!!!I am excited! and I know this year it is going to be the BEST STRUGGLE EVER!!! If I have never been more appreciative of the things I have or the people in my life! I think THIS YEAR WILL DEF make me show more appreciation! because its going down! and I am ready! SOOOOOOO READY! I love this, I love me! and I know with the support of my siblings we will be back on top in no time! and I am not letting nothing or no one stand in my way!!! 

Have Faith Have Fight, Because If you don't have faith you wont have the strength to fight!!!