I PROMISED

I promised I would write everyday! or at least try to BLOG everyday! But I get so busy, it is hard! plus I do not want to blog about meaningless stuff, and besides my poems everything has been pretty much about nothing...

First things FIRST I hope everyone is going out to VOTE OBAMA 2012!!!!

that is important!

Secondly I have just been working like crazy! I got all this senior stuff to pay for, for my sister, I have school myself, and I have to winterize Jade and I new coats shoes etc! so Yeah between work, sleep, and school! I have been quite busy!

I have also been trying to get another job, my work from home job is not strict enough for me, I think I can do whatever I want, and that is not the case... I guess I am not strong willed enough to work from home, and actually work!

For the most part I get over 40hrs everyweek from my work from home job, but I am scheduled 60, so over 40 is not enough time and effort I am putting in this job! and they do not need someone who is gonna half ass them!

But I also work over 40hrs at my third shift job to! So I mean I am not tryna get over, I am just tired, and then a full time student at that...

SO I have been working on getting my old job at Walgreens back! I miss it there, and that can be my second day job, and maybe only work my work from home here and there, when I want to or whatever!

WHo knows I might have three jobs here pretty soon if my manager will take me back because I went about leaving that job 100% wrong! so I dont know only time will tell!

But that is all I have for now! later EVERYONE

Enjoy your Saturday!

Monday ! 10/22/2012

For the first time in my life, I do not have the answers, I do not have a back up plan. And I am just going to try and make it through this with my best foot forward.

 

It is scary I always have a back up plan or can come up with one. But I have been thinking, and thinking, and I have nothing...

 

For the FIRST time in my life I am going to get through some things on a day by day senerio, and I do not know how I really feel about it... Not good I know that! but I am sure that I can handle everything! I have been doing everything anyways! so what is it with doing it without a plan?

 

On another note, Sorry I am just unfocused, this not having a plan thing is really bothering me. I always ALWAYS have plans, and like three back-up plans to go with them, and right now my mind is every where searching, and its hard for me to keep my train of thought!

 

 

OKAY besides that, I have enrolled back into school, and it is going great! it could be better but my schedule is so crazy! Like I should be a millionare all the time I spend at work, and not to myself or anything else.

 

 

So I have came to a conclusion that I need better time management! and I am currently working on that.

 

 

I need to just sit be calm, and breath! Something will show me what my next route is! and I will wait for a moment, but not forever!

 

Have A great week everyone!

Sunday

Happy Sunday!!!!

I'm chilling alone on this decent day! I worked a few hours this morning, then I took my sister to work! I wrote the poem below, which I am going to get into in a moment. So yeah my Sunday has been about doing errands...

Now as for the poem I wrote, it is kinda deep I think. If you knew the situation it would make the world of sense. But yeah I cannot keep putting myself out there on the line.

 

Its weird last year around this time, I was so worried about losing him due to my infidelities and this year this time I couldn't be more happier to say I am done! I am free and I will get all my ish back to where it needs to be!

 

So those are my goals and I am sticking to them! That is all for now! But of course I will keep my blogger up to date on what is going on and with poems or writings!

I Needed YOU!!!

When I first met you,

you seemed to be the only one that cared!

the only one that was THERE

For me you see,

 I have always been everyones rock!

everyones go to person, i just solved everyones problems.

But had no one there to help me solve my own.

Then I met you,

and you were like shiny and gold!

You gave me a reason for being, and something to hold!

You helped me get through some of my tougher years, and stood by my side throughout all of my doubts and fears.

As time went on you became distant and cold,

No longer did I have you to hold.

I learned as time progressed that I was not your interest

you only cared about your self, your feelings, your rest

I didnt understand how this happened, how did you turn

from this loving caring guy to some mean big germ.

I found myself not wanting to be with you

not wanting to be around you

I then was no longer happy that I even found you.

You promised you would change and things would be different

you swore you loved me and you'd change your custom living

But you didnt

you stayed distant and cold.

I tried and I tried again to make you my something to hold

but nothing worked and shit got old.

Your never there for me and I dont know why

I am sooo sick and tired of all this time I cry

I dont even want to try,

Anymore with you!

4 years of my life I have been through

holding on and missing you

you were here, but I didnt have you

you are never here when I needed you the most

your just some fucking ghost

They say if you love something let it go

I love you and this is how you will know!

I am letting you go!

free to be you! free to live your custom living too!

See I need you now more than ever but you need you too

so for that this way is better!

you might never understand my reasons to part,

you might never understand really this is all your fault

But in the end you will see that you did actually do something for me,

You helped me learn and grow and become this women

I thought Id never know

For you I am stronger, smarter and wise!

and honestly I'ma feel bad for other guys!

you helped me read through bullshit, lies and deciet,

Now I know I will never not stand on my own two feet!

Because when I needed you, you were not there,

So I learned to deal with my own doubts and fears!

I dont need anyone anymore not even you!

So you can go on about your life, and keep doing you!

Friday! 10/19/2012

Hey everyone! So i have been randomly writing poems, and posting them!

I am good I think, but I am working to be great!

I want everything I write to be really good! I want people to not be able to get enough of the things I write, rather there books, or poems etc!

 

But like I said I am trying to make sure I write on here something everyday! to get myselfback motived and back together... I am going to kinda use this as an online diary! because I have so much stuff I need to take care of, and I feel like the more I write or talk about it the more I will get done or do things about it!

 

So that is my plan!!! it is FRIDAY everyone hope everyone has something fun or relaxing planned for there weekend.

 

I think I might go see Taken 2, but I need to do some cleaning, so I might just stay here at home, and clean, relax and get ready for my all day shift tomorrow!

 

I was supposed to work this morning but I fell asleep and Maurice didnt wake me up! Which it is not his responsibility to make sure I get up but dang!

 

My phone wasnt working anyways but I was willing to try anything I didnt want to miss anymore hours! I have to make better effort with this other job!

 

anyhoo I am in a meeting now, so I need to go but who knows I might write more and post it here later!

 

Havea  great weekend!!

First love

 

 

I couldn't deny you if I wanted to!

All I can do is smile, when I think about you!

We are so close, even though were so far apart!

I always keep room for you in my heart!

you have been with me through everything!

Sometimes I think our relationship is some wierd dream!

I cant believe its been so long,

17years of knowing each other, 10 years of being reunited

so much growing, laughing, and fighting

Were older now, and we had started back then.

But every time I talk to you it still feels like a Big win!

your my bestfriend!

you mean a lot to me!

The love I have for you should never leave you feeling empty!

Everyone gets filled with envy!

But we show no empthy, for those who dont understand.

But listen no matter what you'll always be my number one man!

I always thought one day you'd be the one to take my hand!

Your a father now, meaning someones dad!

Im not mad!

I was sad at first, but truely I am glad

that regaurdless the situation

you I once had!

Always there for you I will be!

no matter who what when!

you will see

that honestly your heart still belongs to me!

 

 

Love

 

I love you?

Do we hear that alot or not enough?

and is it Love or is it just Lust?

why do you love me I wonder?

is it because my heart has such thunder?

that it draws you in and you can not resist for all my love has to be a gift!

but if it is a gift in which who is it for?

is my soulmate a knocking at my door?

and when he comes how will I know?

or will my Love just start to grow?

I just want to know.

Who is to say we havent already let our soulmate go?

And if we did will we ever know?

that we had our chance with the one meant for us?

and now we wont get another glance?

Because I am sure I have found my right man...

Im not so sure he knows...

Im not real positive if i should pursue this situation or let it go?

For I am scared of rejection, and my heart cant take any more neglection.

My affection is to strong, and passionate,

 and I just want to share my love with some one that can match it.

 



October 2012

Wow, It has been so LONG since I blogged! So much has changed since my last blog! So here are some of my updates!

My boyfriend, and I broke up and he moved out. It was the worst situation I thought I ever had to go through! I cried everyday! it was bad!

I let my older sister move in long enough to destory my relationship with my bestfriend, and my boyfriend. Once those two people were done with me, my "sister" moved out.

I started to sink! I talked, beg and plea'd for my boyfriend to come home, he was gone for like 3 months almost! So we agreed to both go in 100% on our relationship and start over!

YES he came home... Since then I have gained custody of my younger sister, whom just turned 18 in September, but she is a Senior in High School! Having her has been a constant struggle. Like It is hard to differ from parenting,and just being a sister. Which makes are relationship harder to deal with as well... But for the most part her being her has been great!

My brother who is 19 and was living with me moved out this month! he got his own place, and I am so very proud of him! and was ready for him to move out! I know were all so close in age but I feel so much older than them. The stuff they like to do I do not really care for and vis versa!

I have stopped going to school, and restarted going back to school! things have been so crazy around here!

My diet plan failed, only because I was going strong to the gym, and I had some financial difficulties so I had to let my gym membership go, and that got me right back in my lazy mode.!

SO right now I am working two full time jobs, and I am full time student! and it is soo hard, but in the long run I will come out good!

and I guess that is about it for now, i want to post at least weekly on different subjects, topics etc... So I am going to make that a goal, and start on it!

Thanks for reading everyone!