Thinking...

I feel like I have so much on my mind! So much to say, but then when I turn to write it is like my mind goes blank! Why can't I just write what I am feeling? What is holding me back?

I feel like I am stuck! 

I am not quite sure on what either! 

It is like the harder I try the more crap that falls into my lap! and I know I know things normally do get worst before they get better... BUT FUCK! lol I am not quite sure how many more step backs I can handle right now...

Its a whole new world... a whole new experience I am going through... and there is good and bad times... But luckily I have some very good friends in my corner rooting for me... that helps a lot and I am so great full for them. 

Valentines Day is coming up! This will be the first Valentines day IN YEARSSSSS that I will not be in a relationship, or in a relationship LIKE situation. 

At first I did not know how I felt about that... Like I was thinking man this is going to suck! the day that is supposed to be all about LOVE I have no one that LOVES me to spend the day with...

I have gotten several offers for the whole Valentines day thing... and I mean it made me feel good to know there are some people whom would want to spend that day with me... 

But... what is that day if it is not spent with WHO YOU REALLY WANT TO SPEND IT WITH? I do not want to spend my holidays with just anyone! if there is going to be a someone, I want it to be someone I generally care about... and if it can not be spent with that person then I rather just spend it alone...

I LOVE ME... so If anything I will buy MYSELF a teddy! and cuddle up in MY BED and watch romantic movies with MYSELF! because I love me enough to spend time with myself! and I am good with that...

OF COURSE no one wants to spend Valentines day alone, no matter how much you love yourself, your "supposed" to be with someone! As society has placed it in our heads anyways....

Being single has it's ups and it's downs, because I love the fact that I can do anything I want to do whenever I want to do it... But then you get this to these points sometimes where you want to generally talk to someone who cares about you that is the opposite sex... Like I guess I miss all my guy best friends, that I slowly but surely gave up when I got in to my last relationship.. Which was stupid on my part because we were just friends... But at the time my "man" was the only best friend I thought I needed...

SO yeah I def will get used to it just being me... it might take me a little bit but I am slowly but surely adjusting to being single...

Im struggling on my new journey but I'll admit it... its a STRUGGLE a NEW KIND of STRUGGLE... and in the end it is all going to be worth it... I know it will. And although things might suck and be rough now! I will appreciate everything I put together much more once it is all taken care of!

Well this Blog is not as interesting, and might be kind of boring... but I just felt like I needed to write something... so I did.... 

Thanks for reading!