Letting go & finding ME! Seriously!

So today I received a big dose of reality!

And honesty it made me want to cry a little!

I have been a little emotional these last two days I HAVE NO IDEA WHY!

But I was talking to my BEST FRIEND :) . 

And she helped me realize that I am paying much to much attention to people whom will never really be there for me like how I am wanting them to be! That I am making people important whom do not deserve to be important!!

She helped me realize some of these feelings I think I am having might not be as real as they seem to be to me!

She told me I need to basically cut some people off and regroup because I am giving others the upper hand in my life! and I never thought about none of this stuff in this manner but the more her and I talked the more I realized she was right!

It made me sad no lie! It is like I am trying to attach myself to someone, to feel the comfort, and friendship, and closeness I had in my prior relationship. 

I do not think I gave myself "enough time" to really move on... I just jumped back in the game thought I was ready to play, and I guess I am really not. 

Which it does and does not suck. Like I do not want a relationship, I am enjoying being single! BUT my actions towards certain situations puts me off to seem like I want a whole commitment from someone... and I do not want that! NOT NOW...

I have been in a relationship for soo long, so being single I guess takes some adjusting that I never really thought it would. But it does. 

And honestly until I get back right I do not really need to focus on anything or anyone else. I know this! 

I really do cherish all my friendships, and I enjoy the people in my life! but it comes down to the fact that....

I AM NOT ABOUT TO KEEP INVESTING SO MUCH TIME INTO PEOPLE WHOM DON'T INVEST THEIR TIME INTO ME!

I know everyone has there own things going on and no one can drop the ball for me at any given time... BUT IN THAT SAME VOICE If these PEOPLE REALLY CARED ABOUT ME, THEY WOULD TAKE THE EXTRA STEP TO SHOW ME...

Period. I am going through a lot my emotions have been everywhere I do not think I know what is real and what is not real right now. 

Which is sad.... My life has changed soo much in such a short time frame, and everyday I hold back tears and realize it gets harder, and harder the next day to do the same. 

But My Best friend, told me I would be okay.... Some how I feel like I will not be okay! I know time heals everything... But to me time is suck, or has me stuck in these emotions. 

It is not even that I am stuck in my old relationship either. Those emotions from that situation, have come and gone. I was upset, I faced reality and I am good.

I think the fact that I have come so far, and now I am starting over... for real for real has me emotionally every where because I am so afraid of not getting back where I want to be. Or just of failure in general! 

She also went on to tell me Mr. Right is real.... I was like really? So you read my blog? LOL 

Basically I need to let go of the rift raft, and some of my "pretend emotions" and get fucking serious over here! 

Not letting go of friendships I want to keep those, but these feelings I think I might have or emotions I think I might have within a lot of different situations, I am going to move on from... With my best foot fourth. It might not be easy, and it might be super hard! but I think I am strong enough to pull it together! SERIOUSLY! I have been fucking around for long enough!

Putting GAME FACE ON! & I think I am seriously ready now...

I just need to focus on me! SERIOUSLY!!! on my SCHOOL! my WORK!! my LIFE! and it doesn't mean that I do not have room for others, it just means I need to only have room for those whom have room for me in their life's!!

SO if you do not have room for Ariell Guyton-Smith, I am so sorry but she doesn't have room for you either! If I matter you will make room and make the right shit happen! if I don't then you won't...

But at the end of the day! I will see what is and is not real! and I am not going anywhere blind sided anymore! I am good with the stupidity.

THANKS! everyone for listening to me blab! haha!