2011

Welcome to 2011 ! wow and Feburary is almost over. I have found myself to be a little less motivated than normal. I did however get my car! Its a 2008 dodge avenger. I am so excited about it. However I only really made two trips so far. one to chicago just to be going somewhere, and One to Benton Harbor to go to church. I think I should figure out my finances quick, and budget going to church with my sister, every sunday, which is an hour away. But her church speaks to me. Like when I go there I feel as if I belong, and that the pastor is always talking about me. Which is good because it makes me think about things I need to change and how I need to change them.

I feel like I am not satisfied with anything right now. Okay so I am 20 with no kids, live on my own, now own two cars, work full time, atten school (which I am almost done with) full time. I have a great relationship, with this most incrediable guy.. I mean we not perfect.. well he's not anyways. LMBO that was funny, naw we not perfect. But I feel like these are all things that I am supposed to be doing. Going to school, working, owning things paying bills. I did not come from a family that feeds me with no golden spoon, and Everyday I am thankful that I do know how to survive on my own without anyone just giving me stuff.

Oh and dont get me wrong thy love of my life helps me or does for me whenever need be. But as far as half of these kids my age whom parents still hand them everything, and they dont have to work for nothing, I am not one of those.

I just guess I want so much more right now at this moment, and everything I want is coming.. just not fast enough for me. So patients...patients.. good things always come to those whom wait. I am just so ready to be comfortable. I n a comfortable state, and I was but now its time for a change... So i am uncomfortable again.

But this year we will be moving, I refuse to sign another year lease at these apartments. These tiny apartments charging an arm and a leg for NOTHING, to where I can pay a few hundard more and have a whole entire house, and not have to worry about the people across the hall nor do I have to worry about back ground noise for my job due to the neighbors.

Im just ready for these houses to be homes. I am ready to make my office for work so that I do not hate my home because I work from home but yet only hate my office :)  because that will be the section of which I work.

I was confiding in a old friend on Sunday about this, and she felt as though I was just being ungrateful. Although she did not say it like that but I felt in so many words that is what she meant. Which I guess it does seem as if I want it all. The way I see it though is why not want it all? I work hard and take care of all my resonsibilities plus some, and I am only 20. sometimes I just want to be 20 and that is it nothing more nothng less. I should be doing so much more than what I am doing. I feel because I am so young I should have a little more life. then again I feel like work hard now, so that I can play later.

Confusing huh? I know it is all just a big confusing mess, that I need to all figure out. I want to work mornings for my job but then who wants to get up in the AM. See it is all a mess that I need to figure out so i can better manage everything like it needs to be managed. that is all I have for now.. Later there will be more I swear.

Thanks for listening.