MY FAVORITE F WORDS February & FUCK

I am beyond fed up with everyone!!! I feel like I am not the type to be all in my feelings, I never really react to anything... I don't ask for people to sit and listen to me cry! BUT at the same time I AM HUMAN and I do have feelings rather I wear them on my sleeves or not is not the issue the issue here is people need to realize that I bleed the same way they do!! PERIOD! 

I feel like people think I am a robot with no feelings... I am not aloud to think, breath or talk unless someone needs me to and I am fed up! 

I am FUCKING SORRY THAT I WAS TOO WORRIED ABOUT YOU TO SEE WHERE I WAS AT WITH EVERYTHING!!! I AM SORRY THAT ALL MY LIFE I HAVE BEEN PUTTING Y'ALL BEFORE ME, THAT YOU NOW CANNOT STAND THAT I ACTUALLY HAVE FEELINGS... i AM SORRY THAT YOU BELIEVE OR THINK ALL I SHOULD BE WORRIED ABOUT IS YOU AND YOUR FEELINGS....

I feel like I have been a damn good sister... I have never EVER TURNED my back on any of my siblings.. EVER but the first time I just need you to listen to me to hear me out... to just listen... you cant even do that??? 

I am supposed to hold everyone down emotionally, spiritually, and physically, but me I am not supposed to do shit for myself???

I just feel like no one cares to listen they hear whatever they want to hear, and take what they think they heard and run the fuck away with it!! 

honestly FUCK ALL OF YOU AND WHAT YOU THINK... I am so done with everyone it is truly sad that it has come to this point... it is sad to know that I am here trying to hold everyone together, and no one GIVES A DAMN TO MAKE SURE ARIELL IS OKAY...

But then again rather or regardless how i found out.. at least I did find out... everyone really only cares about them self's, and here i am trying to put everyone else before me when everyone else is putting themselves first!!!

I feel like I have been trying to say enough tell her enough so she knows whats going on... I don't need to tell her everything I am a grown ass women... she don't tell me shit when I ask her... 

I have been trying and trying to please everyone and still make sure what I need to get done to move on is getting done... but i am the bad guy of course!!!

I am starting over, and I knew this shit wouldn't be easy but I didn't think my siblings would be so quick to think so poorly of me... But I should have known... Mother fuckas always bits the hands that feed them now and days... NO LOYALTY... but I am good... I thought we were better than this but I see we are not.. and its fucked up

How do you move on, and grieve a lost if your not aloud to show no emotion without someone trying to belittle you?

like here is where I am... I do not want to be with my ex... at all that thought has not even crossed my mind... DO I miss my best friend>? yes... Most def do! I am upset that shit happened the way it did... I put a lot of things in question, and I feel like I am in a good place now... I DO NOT WISH anything bad on the man..... I do still feel some sort of way towards him.. I mean damn near five years of my life was spent with him... but will I get over it 100% yeah I will and I am working towards it everyday...

Its a work in process, but the betrayal that was made with him will be something I can never get over... and it is sad that my siblings do not know me well enough to know that, they mean more to me than anything on earth...

but I guess I need to get my priorities together because I obviously am only of use to them when they need something....

I just thought I would have more support then what I do... But its all about these fools over here, and if its not about them they dont listen, or they twist your shit to some how make it be back about them...

Y'all made it clear my feelings don't matter again its good to know...

Thanks for the FUCKING MEMO!!!!

Fuckers... I am done! seriously... smdh

BUT..........